You want to know what? I've had a really rough time this year. There are some people that I have met that I really do love, and there are some people that can rot in hell if such a place existed. I know I should be waiting for the end of the year for this, but I'm near the point of aggravation that I cannot contain myself anymore.
1) I had an abusive relationship going into this year. He seemed like a lovely guy, but he isolated me until I had no one but him. He verbally abused me and I had no choice, but to wake the hell up and realize that he was not good for me and break up with him.
2) I was stressed out with losing a few friends because I was affiliated with something that was supposed to help the community as a whole. One friend in particular was lost because some people couldn't keep their noses out of private affairs that needed no explaining. And in turn this affiliation turned their backs on one of their own and tried to make me look like the bad guy when they should have looked in the mirror themselves.
3) My parents and brother moved to Arizona. This stressed me out immensely and still does because home for me no longer home.
4) I met an incredible guy in April and it ended so horribly because ONE person thought it was okay to destroy something that made me so happy with my life. Which after that happened, I drank and drank because I was so depressed and because it repressed the nightmares I had for two months. And as much as I fight I am pushed down more and more because he doesn't trust me anymore. It makes me cry at night because I feel like my heart was taken out, stomped on, and put back in. It is so hard to make it through the day because I don't have him. Not a day goes by that I regret letting someone do that to us.
5) My graduate school dreams were crushed. My Graduate Record Exam (GRE) scores are too low because of the people who are insecure about their scores re-take it constantly pushing intelligent people's scores, like mine, down. And facing the reality that only ONE person believes in me in the psychology department and she isn't even my best friend (who has been insufferable lately) or colleague, but the most kind-hearted professor in the psychology department. I'm disheartened and depressed about that and still obviously grieving about it. I know I have other people who believe in me, but I just don't feel it at all from most.
6) Being accused of being shallow. I hate it when I'm accused of this. Listen if you are not my type I will still talk to you, there is nothing in my book that keeps me from having a good friendship with you, it's as simple as that. I love people like I love the woods and the ocean. I will talk to anyone with no prejudice just so long as you are a kind person and don't do me wrong in my eyes.
7) I'm really tired of people avoiding me because they can't be cordial with others and get over giving the cold shoulder to others because they think that "the other person hates me or as no use for me, I know I'll be an ice queen!" It gets REALLY tiring, annoying, and not to mention childish. Grow some gender appropriate gonads and face your issues! It's not that difficult.
I do count my blessings everyday because there were some good things that happened to me this year, like having a place to stay with amazing roommates, parents and friends that love me, and an education and finally graduating on the 21st this month. But really when you look at it 2012 is an awful year for this kid. Sometimes certain years have that crap storm that is unrelenting and there just seems to be no way out. I'll get over it like I always do because of my resilience, but even then I worry that is not enough.
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