The Letter That Never Arrived

A lot of you know that I've been struggling a lot this year, even my final semester of college. A lot has happened, but one thing in particular I've been struggling with is someone I really cared about and hurt. It hurts to say that maybe, just maybe things weren't meant to happen between the two of us and that we should just be friends, close friends. He is a very sweet and gentle guy, but I hurt him very much even though it was unintentional.

Early in my relationship with him, I wrote him a letter. It never got to him and was sent back to me. I didn't want to open it because I was going to give it to him, but I always forgot to take it with me when I went to go see him. It had been nearly eight months since I wrote it, I finally opened it up to see what I had written, of course I had a few drinks in me when this happened. It is a piece of sentimentality and I cried for a while because I did care about him eight months ago, and I still do.

This is what it said:

April 24, 2012

Hey ----,

I thought I would just write you a letter since you're having a rough week. I am very much looking forward to this weekend. Nice dinner/picnic in the park, a walk around the park, and --- is going to get us a little something for later in the night.

I'm very much enjoying getting to know you. You are very genuine and it is very refreshing to have you in my life right now. Thank you for having me take things slow for once so I can get to know you. I hope we continue this trend and maybe we could play a "get to know each other" game if you'd like this weekend.

Still working on the "surprise" for you as well. Unless this is all the "surprise" you needed. I just want you to feel better this week, I know what you've been through has been a battle, but I'm here for you. I respect you and I definitely want what is best for you in the long scheme of things.

I'm very much looking forward to this weekend. Just spending the time with you is enough to keep me going and of course a few nights of peaceful sleep. I guess I'll be talking to you more after you get this letter.

See you soon,
--- -----

I cried and cried until I fell asleep holding it in my hand and re-reading it. My own words meant for another, the person I care for, just hit me. It just goes to show that words are powerful things, even your own, even if they weren't meant for you. I just wish I could turn back the clock back to June and stop myself from making that snap decision and had the "boyfriend" talk with him. Things just weren't meant to be like that I guess.

If you, you know who you are, are reading this, you will always be a close friend. You are someone I can count on to listen and give me some advice. I hope you find the right guy for you and hopefully he won't hurt you like I did. I love you my friend.